Empty nest

I have two girls. One is 21 and another 17.

I am Singaporean but we live in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. My youngest is currently sitting for her GCE A levels and her last paper will be on November 17th. She has clearly stated her intention of continuing her studies in Singapore and eventually both my girls will live and work there.

I have always been an independent person. I used to backpack alone in Asia and Europe in my 20s and never thought about marriage. But motherhood changes everything. I left my broadcasting job when my second child was born and we moved to KL as my husband is based here. Unlike in Singapore, I am not allowed to work in Malaysia if I am on a dependent or guardian visa. So the past 17 years I have been busy caring for my family and being a CEO, CFO, councillor, consultant, chef, driver and many more roles.

Getting my Yoga certification was a game changer as it allowed me to teach and continue to learn and expand my horizon with new friendships and experiences. Thank God for social media, I am connected to friends back home and my interests.

But now with my girls becoming young adults, I am feeling the pang of the empty nest. I think some parents can definitely relate to this especially if you are very close to them. But they have to plan their lives and I can only guide.

So now is the time for me to carve my future and learn to grow. 

Yoga definitely helps. Daily meditation helps me to be present and silent the mind.

I think many mothers can relate to how I feel and maybe also fathers.

If you are reading this, please share what is your coping mechanism in this phase of your life.

*Photo taken when my second daughter was 8 years old.

Tight Yoga wear or modest Yoga wear, its still me :-)

In the video, you see two Norzas. 

One in the common yoga gear and another covered. So which is the real Norza? Both are the real Norza.

I was previously the Yogini who loves to wear the sleeveless top, tights and free hair. But now to be authentically me, I am the covered Yogini. But if I am at home practicing with no photos to be taken there’s no need for me to be covered. Its me practicing both my loves. My faith and my Yoga.

Yes they can marry!

There are certain aspects of Yoga that has helped me to move closer to my faith. (I do not practice the mantras). 

Pranayama(breathing).

I feel proper breathing has helped me to be more focus when I do my prayers.  One movement, one breath. My prayers have sitting and sitting positions, forward bend, slight twist to right and also slight neck movements, to the right and left to complete the prayer. Its a set of movements varied only by the number of times the ‘flow’ is done depending on the time of day. There are 5 times. Sunrise, afternoon, late afternoon, sunset and evening. Its meant to reset, realign and recalibrate oneself. Each prayer is like a meditation.

Proper breathing had helped me to be in the moment when I recite my prayers and internalise it.I do try to practice mindfulness on and off the mat. I must say sometimes its challenging when your mind flies off somewhere else when you are doing something. I am only human ya. But the beauty of  it is, you catch yourself and drag yourself to be present.

This reminds me of a book I read ICHIGO ICHIE by Hector Garcia nad Francesc Miralles. ICHIGO ICHIE is the Japanese art of making the most of every moment, the Japanese way. So whatever you experience at the moment, be present, embrace the moment. When you are with somebody, celebrate the moment. Appreciate the company as a gift. Reading this, I felt what a beautiful way of describing a meeting. I think when there is honesty and joy in the meeting, you can feel it in your heart.

Another nugget I want to share here from the book is about savouring a moment like it is our last breath. To really feel and give ourselves permission to be happy. There are times I think when we hold back our happiness. We forget the child in us. We say adults do not do that. This is where Yoga comes in. It allows and encourages you to PLAY and gives you space to tumble, fall, laugh and not to take yourself too seriously especially when you are not able to execute a certain pose. You get up and try again. If you fall, its ok. You can smile and even laugh. Well maybe your body does not allow you to do that today. You do not take it personally

Satya(truthfulness)

To practice this, I have to be authentic to myself. This is reflected externally in how I present myself fashion wise. Honestly, it took me awhile to come out with a modest look which I think is me. One which seamlessly represents me, regardless whether I am covered or not. I think I am at peace with my new look. There are many covered Yoginis on instagram too and they look fabulous.

So if you wonder how does covering affects me as a Yogini? It does not. Whether freehair or covered, I practice and I teach with Intention.

So how do you practice truthfulness in your daily life?

Gratitude

Nobody imagined that within weeks our lives changed worldwide.

Empty streets, empty cinemas, malls and all public places. Jogging outside of your compound in public spaces, can get you arrested. This is not a Hollywood movie but our reality. Where I live, some stubborn joggers were arrested after the area police has repeatedly told the public to stay home during this period. Even jogging at public places are not allowed.

I used to take morning walks. Now I don't. Thank God for Yoga, I am able to sweat being on the same spot, on my mat.

Some countries are still able to have some semblance of normality. Kids going to schools, people take public transport, go for walks, jog, cycle, go to the beach to enjoy the sea breeze and dining out. We in Malaysia, where I reside, do not have that now. We are under Movement Control Order and told to stay home, unless it is really necessary to go out, like shopping for grocery. The MCO has been extended till mid April. There is even talk that in April, the MCO will be even tighter.

Its moments like this that we reflect and am thankful for the small little things we enjoyed pre COVID-19. For me its dining out.

I used to dine a lot with my husband.  You see I am one who does not really enjoy cooking very much. I wish I do. But I would rather have food prepared for me.  Anyway, now with the MCO, I really do miss eating out.

On the reverse side, I find myself cooking more and I do enjoy it sometimes.

These are some dishes that I cooked. It takes movement control for us to push ourselves sometimes.
Time is what we make it to be. It's up to us, what we do with it. Create or vegetate, totally your choice. I always tell myself, everybody has 24 hours. Some are able to make wonders with it and I admire those who have made use of it wisely. I am still learning to do that.

There are still so many things I want to do with my time. Its time to do a list.

I am just so greatful that I am blessed with the ability and luxury to think of what I want to do next with my time than to think of when I will have my next meal. That is a reality now, with some people losing their jobs and homes, in this age of uncertainty.

So, today when, we have our meals, that is perhaps the greatest gift, apart from the ability to breathe.
Alhamdullilah(Thank you God).

My new online YOGA TRIBE is born

Today, I finally did something which I always wanted to do, teach Yoga online.

When I left Singapore and my students, they did ask if its possible to still have lessons via Youtube. That would be pre-recorded and I would not be able to see my students and react immediately to help them in their poses. But the thought of always being in touch with my students, is always on my mind.


Who would have thought an inconvenient circumstance, braved me to try something new. Initially I did not know what platform to conduct the classes on and how to extent the invite to my students. After much research, I found it!

With the menacing COVID-19 everywhere and many countries going on a lockdown, people are told to stay home. Yoga studios, Gymnasium, swimming pools are all closed. People are advised to not even jog outside but to stay home for their safety. Going out is probably only to the supermarket.

I realised many are longing for some physical activity and the best way is to do it online at home.

I extended invitations to friends and my students. Many were keen and joined me online but some were still working and were not able to join. So I must think of ways so that they too can enjoy this.

Being new to this, there were some initial technical hiccups which were solved just before the lesson started.

It was a different feeling teaching remotely as I cannot do physical adjustment, something which I really enjoy. But nevertheless, I am still able to give verbal instructions and see them LIVE.

Friends and students from Singapore and Malaysia at their homes coming together to practice together, I thought is so beautiful. A new online YOGA tribe is formed.

Thank you for being there, dear students and sharing your energy. Sharing the same reality.

I love it. This means I can even conduct Yoga classes when I am on holiday, bringing my students along.

The day I realised I was pregnant

How do you know you are pregnant?

For some, they start having morning sickness. For some its craving. For some they get emotional.

I did not get any of the above.

I knew I was pregnant through Yoga.

The year was 2004. I went for my regular Yoga class. At that time I could not touch my toes when I was sitting down. No paschimottanasan(seated, forward bend) for me. I would say I was a beginner.

It was a normal Hatha class. Nothing vigorous or too challenging. We did the normal warm up etc. Then the instructor told us to slowly touch the floor or knees according to our abilities. I did as I was instructed. Then she instructed that we slowly stand back up. I did very very slow. But I found myself to be light headed. On the second try, I was light headed again. This never happened to me, ever. I felt a little dizzy and decided to sit down.

After that I continued and did what I could manage.

After the class, as I walked out I wondered what was wrong with me as I never had that sensation before.

Since I was late, I decided to buy a pregnancy test kit.

I was not expecting anything but I would be very happy if I was expecting.

I saw two red bars. I could not believe my eyes.

I was pregnant for the second time.

So ladies, while doing YOga if you find something is amiss, maybe you are just expecting a little bambino or maybe you are not. Get it checked.

Here I am with the little bimbino, 14 years after.

The first time I heard the word YOGA!

Before I talk about my journey going upside down, let me tell you the first time I heard the term Yoga.

The year was 1986. Some of you were born and some of you were perhaps in another sphere at that time.

I went to the National University of Singapore. AT that time you have to choose two majors and a minor. I choose Political Science and Philosophy as my major and Sociology as my minor. When I chose Philosophy as a major, I had very little idea what it was about except that it has to do with thinking and arguing your point.

In my first year, Logic Paper was compulsory. The argument is, to win any idea, it has to be logical. Fair enough. Then I realised that a logic paper is actually a formulation of deduction. It was very much like Maths. At that point I thought to myself what did I get myself into cos I am a 'genius' at Maths.. NOT!! There were symbols and equation. Very much like Maths...(I thought I was going to die!). Then, I was told a few had to leave the university because they failed their logic paper after a retest. The system then was merciless. You take a retest if you failed the first time. If you failed again, you are not allowed to drop that subject and take a different subject. Simply means, you made the wrong choice of subject, too bad... you don't belong there. Merciless indeed. If you are lucky, they allow you to redo your first year, even if you had passed the other subjects.

Then a bomb hit me!! I failed my logic paper. I studied relentlessly for my retest day and night. Practised any logic problem I had my hands on. Phew!! I passed.

Second year was smoother and a breeze to me. I had to pick 3 topics for philosophy. One of the three I picked was Indian Philosophy. Yoga Philosophy falls under that. At that time YOga was rather foreign. I knew it was something exotic and interesting.  There were many sanskrit words to remember.  Most of the time, I thought it was just academic and did not apply anything to me. I also thought it was just ideas and could not understand some of the concepts. 20 plus years later when I took my 200hr Teacher training and studied YOga philosophy again, there were several "Aha" moments with concepts like Ahimsa, Satya, Yama and Niyama.

What I learn is that ideas are just ideas until you can apply and makes sense of it.

Only when one applies and understand how it benefits oneself can one truly appreciate these simple but yet practical concepts. I suppose coupled with a few years of life experiences, I could relate better with the concepts. Life is actually the best University and experience is indeed the best teacher.

Yoga and padi field

I love nature.

I can stare at the sea, clouds, mountains and anything to do with nature for hours. Husband would say I am zoning out haha but it's just something about nature that makes one feel so peaceful and true.

Being in Malaysia, I love seeing padi fields. Its something we do not have in Singapore. It touches something so basic in your mulandara(first charkra) I feel.

When I started to be more serious in Yoga, one of my wish was to practice Yoga near a padi field. What can be more beautiful than to do two of your favourite things in one go?

Then, one day we decided to go on a road trip in Malaysia. I researched for places to stay. I wanted to stay in a nice kampung house with modern amenities, a plus, if it overlooks the padi field. Lo and behold, I got my wish granted when I chanced upon Sunset Valley in Langkawi.

AND made my dream come true with a Yoga practice right in front of the picturesque padi field.

The feeling of practising there, was magical. It was almost a 1.5 hour practice but it did not feel like it at all.  I thanked God for allowing me to find the perfect place to stay, gratitude to my body for being able to practice and love for everything beautiful that I witnessed and experienced when I stayed there.